In 2018, De Groene Amsterdammer (The Green Amsterdammer) began publishing a series called Research: How Racist is the Netherlands?  It begins as follows:

The Netherlands is a tolerant and hospitable country, in which everyone gets equal opportunities, regardless of their background. At least, that’s how we like to see ourselves. But the figures and the people behind them tell a different story.

During the past ten years, I’ve been living in the Netherlands, and constantly being reminded of how different I am. You’re not from here. You cannot be Dutch. You’re from China (declarative). Go back to your country! If you don’t like it here, leave! Stop complaining, it’s not like anyone hit you. How can you be sure it’s racism, maybe that guy was just having a bad day. These are all things people have said to me, in person and online.

Welcome to Racism

I wrote about my first racist attack in 2016, two weeks after I arrived in the Netherlands, when a group of young men ran up to me, took a photo of me in my face with a flash, and then ran away. When I wrote about this experience on Sharing is Caring, the Facebook group for local students, I met mostly negative reactions and personal threats for “sounding angry” and “not acting innocent enough like a victim”. One man vowed to “show me cancer” if he ran into me in Maastricht. A few people personally messaged me to tell me I’m being racist against white people, victimising myself, being a drama queen, so on and so forth.

In the months and years following that incident, I’ve learned how sensitive and defensive so many Dutch people can be when a person of colour, and a woman at that, brings up the “R-word”. But we are not racist. We don’t have police brutality. We’re not America (there’s a layer of fascination and disdain for America I am still trying to understand). We didn’t own slaves in my family. We don’t see colour, it’s you who’s being racist! Noem ons geen “blank” or “wit” maar gewoon mensen! Immigrants just need to try harder. If you’re not (white) like us, you should try to fit in and learn our customs, then we accept you! We like multiculturalism, just not when you people eat dogs, or tell women to wear headscarves! 

It’s not racism unless he said “I am discriminating you because of your race” or “I am discriminating you because I am a racist“

People who claimed themselves to be anti-racist have told me that I was the racist one for “assuming all white people are racist” (I don’t), for telling them to check their white/male privilege (we all should), for “victimising myself over petty things which are incomparable to what the Jews faced in Nazi Germany, or what black people face in the United States today” (what is this? The Oppression Olympics?). One “anti-racist” person went as far as to tell me that I was “making a big scene over nothing” and that I should “sound nicer, so I don’t make white people feel uncomfortable” – this is a person who goes to anti-racist rallies regularly. Anti-Discrimination Limburg told me that I could not file a complaint against a restaurant because I refused to talk to the business owner who discriminated me 1:1 without a mediator, and because he did not discriminate me by saying “I am discriminating you because I am racist/because of your race”. These are the laws. Gewoon de regels hoor, die maak ik niet zelf!

When I first read this article, I had recently ended a relationship with a person who I was attracted to initially because of how they reacted to a racist incident I faced at a restaurant. But a few months into the relationship, they started voicing “concerns” about my “racist attitude towards all white people”, which escalated to them calling me a “racist” for debating with them on how they cannot know how I feel when I experience racism in the Netherlands, because they are a white person who has lived their entire life in a white country, and a male person at that (as you know, men are much less likely to face street harassment and catcalling). Over several fights, I put my foot down and explained that we could not be in a relationship if they kept on denigrating my identity by telling me that (a) what I experienced was not “actually racism” since I was never physically harmed; (b) that I was making them feel “uncomfortable” every time I said “white people” when talking about my experience of racism; and (c) and simply not listening to me when I was looking for empathy from a partner about the shitty day I had, when yet another asshole yelled “ching chong! go home you Chinatown!” at me.  Then they said this:

“Then don’t talk about racism. If it’s not helping you feel good in life, just don’t talk about it. You’re letting those assholes get to your head.”

You might guess, this is how the relationship ended. Over nine months, I was subjected to racist comments by their family and close friends. When I confronted them, they asked me why I was making such a big deal. Those people at the student club weren’t talking about me, they were talking about other Koreans. They were talking about other Asians. I was making my own life miserable. Interestingly, this partner was also a transgender person, and I was bitterly faced with the fact that despite so many similarities in our daily struggles, they could not see that what we were experiencing was identical at its core: People were judging us by what we looked like on the outside, without giving us a chance to tell them our story.

The people in this ex-partner’s surroundings would say things like this to me, at cafés, parties, home-cooked dinners across the Netherlands and Luxembourg:

• But my friend / mom / dad / aunt / uncle / colleague didn’t mean it like that
• He/she is just stupid and ignorant and meant well
• They were showing curiosity about your country and culture and just asking questions
• Why are you so sensitive?
• It’s just Dutch people being direct. We’re direct, you know that
• You should rise above and ignore these assholes, you know better than that
• You should not “let” those assholes influence you
• You should not react to people when they say ignorant shit, because it’s not helping anyone

Such statements usually were preceded with the following questions:

• Do you have democracy in your country?
• You’re from a developing country, right?
• So, do you eat dog?
• I heard they eat dog in Korea, do you?
• At least you’re not from China, people are really disgusting there, and they’re so rude
• I had a Chinese roommate, and he was so disgusting…
• Oh you know, I just read this article about how people in China and Asia eat monkey brain, drink urine, and also eat human flesh??? That’s crazy, right?

For the Umpteenth Time, I Am Not Saying “All White People”

It is clear to me that while The Netherlands has many kind, truly anti-racist campaigners, the country as a whole is divided over acknowledging that they have structural, institutional, and deeply ingrained elements of racism which need to be tackled collectively. Just because black people are not being shot every day does not mean there is no racism. This is made even harder by the fact that this racism is deeply intertwined with the open-minded, multicultural policies and mindsets of many Dutch individuals. Authors such as Gloria Wekker, who have chronicled the racism Caribbean Dutch people experience, get overlooked. Racism is not in Dutch culture (But Black Pete Still Is). But then who are we sidelining here? Are Dutch People of Color not Dutch? Or not people?

It is starkly different from what I have experienced during my three years in Germany, where collectively, Germans acknowledge that racism is a problem, and alt-right groups such as Pegida and AfD are met with mass movements and widespread criticism from both the social elites and everyday citizens. It is also very different from France, which recognises colonialism in its educational programme, its reparation programmes, and where the voices of people of colour are increasingly heard (despite the backlash from alt-right groups).

In small French, German, and French Belgian towns, I am assumed to be a local unless proven otherwise. People talk to me in the local language. Only once was I asked “You’re not from here, are you?” at a Carrefour in a small town in Wallonia (the French-speaking part of Belgium), and it was quickly retracted when I expressed discomfort (a raised eyebrow) at the question. He quickly added: “ImeanyouraccentisveryParisianFrench, areyoufromParismiss?” I’ve been asked countless times in tiny German towns for directions in German, and I’ve never once been asked “Where are you from?” by a Belgian or a German unless we were in a setting where this information was administratively necessary.

I also know many Dutch people with whom I can discuss racism and who, before I even speak of it, understand where I am coming from. Because the Netherlands is a diverse country, and a truly “multi-culti” nation, notably in the Randstad area, but also scattered across smaller towns and villages (it seems everyone has an Indonesian uncle whose rendang recipe is passed down the family tree).

I’ve had a Dutch theatre instructor immediately provide a written testimony against the restaurant which treated me in a racist way (And considering this was the third time I’d witnessed something like this, it was time I took action). I have a Dutch cousin who expressed shock at how some white folks have a problem with being called white. I have a Dutch friend, who stated “Of course, I know nothing about racism because let’s face it, I’m a white guy”. I’ve had white women send me messages and leaving countless comments about how they had no idea such racist incidents were happening every day, and about how they want to do something about it. I’ve had Dutch friends come up and say “What can I do? How can I understand something that I will never experience?”.

But It’s “Nice Racism”

In the grand scheme of things, I feel safe and supported in my life here in the Netherlands. But that’s also because I’ve learned to curate my surroundings, and to really cut off people who say things like this.

• But they’re talking about China, why do you care? You’re not Chinese.
• But they’re not saying bad things about you, or your country. We love Korea! Blackpink! Bibimbap! Omg, the latest film from [pick between Park Chan-Wook, Celine Song, Bong Joon-ho]
• But they’re not saying anything bad about you/Koreans/Asians, they complemented you by saying you’re good immigrants. Why can’t you take a compliment?

There is no such thing as “nice racism”. And no amount of “I won’t let it get to me” and shrugging things off is going to result in action.

This blogpost was first drafted in 2018, but seems relevant in 2026. Original draft kept is, with some minor edits.

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REFERENCES / IMAGE SOURCE

‘Goede bedoelingen zijn niet genoeg’ ('Good intentions are not enough')
De Groene Amsterdammer. 6 June, 2018.
https://www.groene.nl/artikel/goede-bedoelingen-zijn-niet-genoeg